cookin' the pot.....
Cookin The Pot
I’m not sure how or when it began. I was a line doggie, a grunt. A junior cook trying to improve. I remember someone yelling at me to go to the walk in and get a fish bin of tatties. Confused I slowed and asked what?
That was my introduction to a new world. I had just started out in the trade of long hours, low pay and an assortment of possible life threatening mishaps. I had no idea that as I journeyed along, learning culinary techniques, regional cuisines and meeting so many interesting people, that I would also have to learn a new language.
It quickly became apparent that this new language would be, on the one hand have universal, and on the other particular to a given kitchen and it’s staff. Many of the names, words, and phrases were also passed down, along or heard from other kitchen staff. The most basic universal concept was the front of house and the back of house. The front staff where called black and whites while the kitchen staff went by the general moniker of back end.
In each position of employment I would find that the server who had been known as the floor whore was now called the waitron, countershark, waitroid, door whore (a host or hostess) Big Red (unruly server) or even a Flat Pete.
The latter a particular name extended as a universal for many. It started as a name given to a server who continuously asked the kitchen for a flat petite when the customer wanted a petite filet. Eventually, out of frustration the kitchen would then call an incompetent server a flat pete.
Customers of course, the life blood of all establishments (except for those that indulged in slow nights of staff discounts) were not exempt from various slang tags. There were various names for customers based on their particular inclinations.
For those who liked to eat and not pay; walkouts, dine and dash, stiffs, or even the bum’s rush could be applied as a general term for such an occurrence. Those that dined at a leisurely pace would often be called grazers or campers. Older, picky cranks often attending buffets or brunch would be known as blue hairs, whitecaps, hairsprays, geriatrics, haddock eaters (no teeth), grandmas and grandpas en masse, or even by the method of transport, Fleetliners.
For those who show up at a fine dining establishment but quickly illustrate that they have no idea of what to order you’ll often hear ring out, pork and beans, savages, farmers, owls and hogs, rednecks, suburbies, players, chooches, onetrippers having a `skytrain night`as they are a part of the `tunnel and bridge`crowd. To quickly turn em and burn em (get them out), a server may be inclined to `wine em, dine em, route 69 em!`.
Customers could also be known by their specific table allocation. For those that just show up `walk in`is the preferred term. It is common to hear a server yell `down`, for seating a table. Other terms would designate the size as well; `just sat a four top`; “a deuce`, or even when quite busy a sudden scream of `whip me, beat me, triple seat me`, when a server has their section ``flatseated` (meaning filled) by a floor or shift manager. In such situations these managers often become known as floordicks.
Floordicks might get wind of such a name calling and decide to assign a server to asection that will guarantee a bad tip. These sections are known as the bowling alley or the gaza strip. Such sections are usually ill equipped for good service and ambience. The norm being bad lighting, noise from the kitchen, and unwanted smells from the washroom.
Other tables of customers would be called the drug table ( a definite cash table with something to prove), fish and stiff, doubledecks, freakshow, twilight zone, Adaams Family, name droppers, all leading to a `gong show`or `night from hell`.
In these situations it would be common to hear staff thinking of `throwing in the life vest`or `getting out`, but this usually ebbed as the night wound down and talk quickly shift to a few drinks. Most often called breakfast, that time of the morning, or are ya in?
While customers may be known by the way in which they behave or are seated it is also common for staff in many places to identify customers in restaurant code based on their attractiveness. This could epicurean in nature, food knowledge, or more vainly by the way they look.
A return customer who knew about food and wine( and often tipped well) would be called a Diner, soignée, a twenty percenter or simply as mega when walking in the door.
Those with bad manners, in a hurry, or simply lacking any food knowledge, where often called the following; customers on crack, lowtippers, the jeopardy/wheel of fortune crowd, the going to the show crowd (in a hurry) and scarf and barf, or chicken hawks, the last two for those who partake in many trips to a buffet. A buffet is usually called the trough. In general many servers will think of this activity as daycare.
As for looks, it became a standard that the front of house would often call out to the kitchen when a good looking diner entered the restaurant. Phrases would include, nice tomatoes, check your plates, price check, prep please, hot plater, biscuit, and nice shoes. Those who thought of themselves as attractive clientele could be called cougars (couvers), for the ladies over forty or so and the up and comers as shaquars, cougars in the making. Their drink of choice, couger juice, was usually white wine spritzers. For the men, hounds and /or hyenas the drink more often gthan not was scotch.
While learning the jargon of customers and front of house staff I probably spent more time learning in the back end; my new domain. The kitchen with it’s intensity, noise and propensity for chaos offered words and phrases that eventually became a quick short language. It became quickly apparent that the dynamic of the kitchen was not only dictated by action, but also by the language. In each position I learned the hard and fast rules of language in order to get ahead at my position.
I noticed that language in the kitchen could be specific for people, food, appliances and the general running of the kitchen. In one kitchen I learned that the name for the dish washing area was stewarding. In reality I was quickly introduced to the real names for the are and the people working there. I started with the term dishpigs, then dish dogs, pot wallopers, swampers, dish monkies, ceramic engineers, working in the dishpit, pearl diving a great wall of china.
Those who helped both the front and back of house where most commonly known as bussers. Probably one of the most underrated jobs and yet one of the most important. Bussers in various restaurants became known as waiterslaves, oompa loompas, runners and expos.
In the back of house, or heart of house, the serious business of culinary arts would be taking place within a culinary code so to speak. As mentioned, food equipment people and actions all had language that could be universal or particular to a given kitchen.
Cooks were often known by their abilities or lack there of. A cook who thought he or she knew it all became known as a paddy well, one arm bandit, kitchen cowboy, Pocahontas, and line doggy. Essentially a head chef would think of these hacks as `nothing but elbows and assholes`. Many of these cooks would usually end up in the weeds (more on this later) by being disorganized and ill prepared. Mostly attitude ahead of skill, especially for those just coming out of cooking school. Many a seasoned cook would have to keep an eye on their prep in such situations. I t was common for these junior staff members to steal prep in order to keep afloat. In one kitchen this became known as being pamhandled.
Junior staff were therefore known as maggots, OJT’s (on the job trainees), grunts, rooks, wombats, or even masterchefs when they illustrated their particular shortcomings. Bad cooks became known as slowplates (usually a speed issue), shoemakers (over cooking), or Assisine!!! ( generally bad at anything!)
Most of these cooks could not get in the zone, or have wheels. Basically concentrating and speed under pressure. You would hear someone say that a particular cook was wearing a leather apron, pulling a bill or jonesing. All terms complaining about a lack of ability.
In some restaurants both the front and back of house would be fed by a staff cook. This was not always looked forward to and it was curious to see many a pizza or burger box being brought into the kitchen. No time for the better cooks to make the meal. Often the staff cook was not up to snuff and his or her ability would be summed up by the phrase `if it’s smoking it’s cooking, if it’s black it’s done`.
When things got busy and a countershark screamed incoming, meaning the dining room was jumpin the kitchen would usually be in the weeds by this time. Now in my experience this became a long list of terms that I quickly picked up as I made my way through various kitchens. Some of the phrases would be for specific kitchens where only those there would get the meaning. These included the following; happiness letdown. Up Dawson’s creek, knee deep in the hoopla, printer diarrhea, keep her steady big biker, and doin it like Smitty’s.
More universal phrases included ; in the shits, skate, wasted, we got smoked, slammed, smokin, juiced, snowed, snowed under, smacked, spanked, on the rail, white out, I need it yesterday, bang em out, rock and roll, pump up the volume, under like a rock,.
It was common to hear someone yell out to a cook some phrase of encouragement in during such circumstances; keep yer stick on the ice, or give him a weed whacker. On slow nights the terms would be, Jonestown, ticket torture, dragging or the hard way.
If a smoke or coffee break were needed at a busy or slow time you could say, hold my calls , or fancy a snout?, because you required an alley rally, smoko, paper work, or crouton run (bacon run for breakfast and lunch cooks), or even to be stepping off. You might even be doing your taxes.
In one place it was common as a non-smoker, to see my junior staff disappear for 20 minutes or more. I would usually find them basking outdoors in the sunshine smoking while I toiled in a hot sticky kitchen. I quickly strategized and decided to beat them, not join them. I bought myself a packet of popeye candy cigarettes and went to the pastry department and put red food coloring on the end of each stick. I was able then to step off so to speak and started saying I was going for a popeye while they worked.
On these hot sticky days when staff got cranky it was common for some of the brigade to have to endure a hazardous condition due to the heat and sweat. There would be nothing worse than being an hour or two into a shift when the chafe began. Leave it to cooks to come up with names for what would usually result in funny walks and grimaces for this truly harsh heat rash; rashcrack, bungholio, lumpoc of the tarhole….to name a few.
The action of working in the kitchen also had language. It became apparent that you had better learn this quickly in order to stave off injury, the ire of other cooks or a quick departure. Moving fast, getting out of the way and understanding what a word or phrase meant would mean you were getting the gist of the kitchen.
For example ouchie momma hot imparted that you better watch out because someone was moving through the kitchen with something very very hot. In most situations this was a signal to be aware and often to stand still while someone passed. Other phrases for similar situations; hot pan, comin through hot, behind ya hot, and hot open .
In one restaurant when the phrase hole in the ground was yelled out in the kitchen, it was to notify everyone that the trap door to the basement was now fully open. The door was centered in the floor of the kitchen right in front of the doors to the dining room. It was on more than one occasion that an unsuspecting employee missed the shout and found themselves at the bottom of a precarious staircase.
As I moved along I also learned that equipment had names that more or less became universal terms. If you were busy and needed something quickly heated you would use the microwave (yes the microwave). In a lot of circumstances the call became zap it, give it to chef mike, radar love, chef ding, mick and dave, French kiss it, or simply, nuke it.
If a food processor was called for it would be heard that one needed the robo, spin it, or to blitz it. When something needed a final topping of heat before being sent to the dining room, someone would yell, flame it, sally, tray it up, or flash it. All of which meant to place the plate under the salamander which is an overhead grill. A deep fryer was often referred to as the giant sauté pan, or not so nicely as the Chinese microwave. A convection oven was the wind oven. A line steamer and a large mixer simply by the brand name, Hobart.
Related terms included B & B’s for bread and butter side plates, Civilization for setting table ware. Napkins became longsleeves or bev naps. Roll ups for dining utensils inside a napkin. Long lips were straws. Dogs, rack and rolls, Queen Annes for kitchen trolleys. Bins that were used for storage became Cambros or Lexans, the name of the manufacturer, or by the usage; fish bin or shrimp tub.
Learning about food became a unique experience in each kitchen. If someone called out for an order for take out you would hear one of the following terms; with legs, kicking rocks, with shoes on, to have wheels, walking, pare calle, put some sneakers on it, put that on wheels, with wings and even bag it and tag it.
When ordering a rare or blue steak the common phrases that I became familiar with were; black and blue, Pittsburgh style (here many opinions on what this really meant), walkin on the plate, or make it moo. For a medium cut, the steak is mister was a common phrase. Well done steak had many names because many cooks found it hard to treat a nice cut of beef in that way. These included; shoeleather, crispy, with teeth, burn it, sunkissed, cremate, and ruin me a fillet.
A prime rib Wisconsin Dells style ( I guess common in that town) meant well done also. In one kitchen if a well done steak of any kind was ordered a chorus of `we’ll burn anything `was heard from all the staff. If a porterhouse was ordered one chef would yell out `honey, let’s shoot the moon`. At another location if someone yelled out `let’s pound em and round em`, you knew it was someone asking for a hand to pound and stuff skirt steak, or even turkey or chicken fillets. Similarily, if the phrase fry èm and dry èm was heard that meant it was time to blanch fries.
Food that was ruined became known as zizzed, dead, and even Julia Roberts (and I am not sure why?) If it was deemed as heading for the garbage, it became known as getting its’ p45, mangy or schwag. You would hear someone yelling yo'momma, or shit can it.
Food that was on its way out but not quite there often became for the family, meaning used for the staff meal of the day. In one location this was known as the trough (as mentioned earlier, the same idea applied to buffets, banquets and m set locations). In another cooks would yell for some one to come check out the Don Brennan. This was code to sneak behind a large post that held the fire extinguisher with that name on it. Tasty morsels that never made it to the plate were quickly scarffed down. Often this was the way most family meals would occur.
Snot sauce meant any sauce that was thickened with a slurry (usually a mixture of water, flour or corn starch).Mud sauce was demi glace that was poorly made or any brown sauce that came out of a tin, bag or powder form. Zoo stock was the term used for that pot seen in many kitchens that was always bubbling on the stove. Any and all meat and vegetable scraps would end up there. This was always amusing especially when a cook would use this stock for vegetarian meals. Pipe stock, freebasing, sauce au faucette, aqua stock and English consumme, meant getting water for any purpose.
A honeymoon salad was lettuce only. Split and married meant two different entrees divided so that each diner could try both. An order usually frowned upon by the staff. Hamburgers and hotdogs became pucks and rods. A naked dog meant a tofu hot dog. Crab legs were often known as salt water drummies. Venison in most places became bambi. Rabbit, thumper or cute little bunnies.
In a few locations food could even be labeled based on using a country or region to identify a particular meal pr preparation. If the word Irish was heard that meant a meal with potatoes. California meant raw food; English equaled bland.
Any large garnish became A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Parsley, that all purpose yet over used garnish became confetti, chop chop, green sneeze or hashish.
As I finished up this past season new terms came into use as well. On the trolley was the continuous refrain quickly put into use in my new banquet position. It was a constant chime for my staff when wanting to deal with any and all banquet issues. In many instances I would be asked where a certain food item for a particular function was located. The usual reply was on the trolley. It would also be used when someone was asked were to put a food item for future use.
It became known that to work with me was to be very organized. I had a trolley for the day’s functions and one for the next. I would usually have one as well for odds and ends. Items that would get used up in the day to day running of the kitchen.
Part of my job was to train new cooks, apprentices and those still in school completing a work term. A lot of my time was devoted to the more unsavory aspects of good cook. On many occasions this meant keeping all areas of the kitchen spic and span. Each day this would be a challenge. When this aspect of kitchen was neglected you would hear the phrase leave it up to the fridge fairies. When I had to call on these sprites to get the job done my staff quickly picked up the pace.
As we wound down the season and found ourselves in the fuck its (that time of the season when people became a little lackluster in keeping on top of things), we would also begin to lose staff. In seasonal work many staff would have to return home for school. It became common for resorts to hire part time workers. These late season arrivals were known as goldfish. The reason being that like goldfish, you never bothered to remember their names since they would be dead in a week or so; meaning off to brighter pastures. Nicknames were the usual was to go; lanky for that really tall server; bro for the guy from Toronto who called everyone bro.
With each job and season the language became the embodiment of kitchen work, while the culinary aspects of the job are my mainstay the nuance of language became my passion.
New language keeps coming to the fore with each new job. I have learned that it will in all likelihood never end. I look forward to the new season (wherever that will be) and the new language that I will pick up along the way.
I’m not sure how or when it began. I was a line doggie, a grunt. A junior cook trying to improve. I remember someone yelling at me to go to the walk in and get a fish bin of tatties. Confused I slowed and asked what?
That was my introduction to a new world. I had just started out in the trade of long hours, low pay and an assortment of possible life threatening mishaps. I had no idea that as I journeyed along, learning culinary techniques, regional cuisines and meeting so many interesting people, that I would also have to learn a new language.
It quickly became apparent that this new language would be, on the one hand have universal, and on the other particular to a given kitchen and it’s staff. Many of the names, words, and phrases were also passed down, along or heard from other kitchen staff. The most basic universal concept was the front of house and the back of house. The front staff where called black and whites while the kitchen staff went by the general moniker of back end.
In each position of employment I would find that the server who had been known as the floor whore was now called the waitron, countershark, waitroid, door whore (a host or hostess) Big Red (unruly server) or even a Flat Pete.
The latter a particular name extended as a universal for many. It started as a name given to a server who continuously asked the kitchen for a flat petite when the customer wanted a petite filet. Eventually, out of frustration the kitchen would then call an incompetent server a flat pete.
Customers of course, the life blood of all establishments (except for those that indulged in slow nights of staff discounts) were not exempt from various slang tags. There were various names for customers based on their particular inclinations.
For those who liked to eat and not pay; walkouts, dine and dash, stiffs, or even the bum’s rush could be applied as a general term for such an occurrence. Those that dined at a leisurely pace would often be called grazers or campers. Older, picky cranks often attending buffets or brunch would be known as blue hairs, whitecaps, hairsprays, geriatrics, haddock eaters (no teeth), grandmas and grandpas en masse, or even by the method of transport, Fleetliners.
For those who show up at a fine dining establishment but quickly illustrate that they have no idea of what to order you’ll often hear ring out, pork and beans, savages, farmers, owls and hogs, rednecks, suburbies, players, chooches, onetrippers having a `skytrain night`as they are a part of the `tunnel and bridge`crowd. To quickly turn em and burn em (get them out), a server may be inclined to `wine em, dine em, route 69 em!`.
Customers could also be known by their specific table allocation. For those that just show up `walk in`is the preferred term. It is common to hear a server yell `down`, for seating a table. Other terms would designate the size as well; `just sat a four top`; “a deuce`, or even when quite busy a sudden scream of `whip me, beat me, triple seat me`, when a server has their section ``flatseated` (meaning filled) by a floor or shift manager. In such situations these managers often become known as floordicks.
Floordicks might get wind of such a name calling and decide to assign a server to asection that will guarantee a bad tip. These sections are known as the bowling alley or the gaza strip. Such sections are usually ill equipped for good service and ambience. The norm being bad lighting, noise from the kitchen, and unwanted smells from the washroom.
Other tables of customers would be called the drug table ( a definite cash table with something to prove), fish and stiff, doubledecks, freakshow, twilight zone, Adaams Family, name droppers, all leading to a `gong show`or `night from hell`.
In these situations it would be common to hear staff thinking of `throwing in the life vest`or `getting out`, but this usually ebbed as the night wound down and talk quickly shift to a few drinks. Most often called breakfast, that time of the morning, or are ya in?
While customers may be known by the way in which they behave or are seated it is also common for staff in many places to identify customers in restaurant code based on their attractiveness. This could epicurean in nature, food knowledge, or more vainly by the way they look.
A return customer who knew about food and wine( and often tipped well) would be called a Diner, soignée, a twenty percenter or simply as mega when walking in the door.
Those with bad manners, in a hurry, or simply lacking any food knowledge, where often called the following; customers on crack, lowtippers, the jeopardy/wheel of fortune crowd, the going to the show crowd (in a hurry) and scarf and barf, or chicken hawks, the last two for those who partake in many trips to a buffet. A buffet is usually called the trough. In general many servers will think of this activity as daycare.
As for looks, it became a standard that the front of house would often call out to the kitchen when a good looking diner entered the restaurant. Phrases would include, nice tomatoes, check your plates, price check, prep please, hot plater, biscuit, and nice shoes. Those who thought of themselves as attractive clientele could be called cougars (couvers), for the ladies over forty or so and the up and comers as shaquars, cougars in the making. Their drink of choice, couger juice, was usually white wine spritzers. For the men, hounds and /or hyenas the drink more often gthan not was scotch.
While learning the jargon of customers and front of house staff I probably spent more time learning in the back end; my new domain. The kitchen with it’s intensity, noise and propensity for chaos offered words and phrases that eventually became a quick short language. It became quickly apparent that the dynamic of the kitchen was not only dictated by action, but also by the language. In each position I learned the hard and fast rules of language in order to get ahead at my position.
I noticed that language in the kitchen could be specific for people, food, appliances and the general running of the kitchen. In one kitchen I learned that the name for the dish washing area was stewarding. In reality I was quickly introduced to the real names for the are and the people working there. I started with the term dishpigs, then dish dogs, pot wallopers, swampers, dish monkies, ceramic engineers, working in the dishpit, pearl diving a great wall of china.
Those who helped both the front and back of house where most commonly known as bussers. Probably one of the most underrated jobs and yet one of the most important. Bussers in various restaurants became known as waiterslaves, oompa loompas, runners and expos.
In the back of house, or heart of house, the serious business of culinary arts would be taking place within a culinary code so to speak. As mentioned, food equipment people and actions all had language that could be universal or particular to a given kitchen.
Cooks were often known by their abilities or lack there of. A cook who thought he or she knew it all became known as a paddy well, one arm bandit, kitchen cowboy, Pocahontas, and line doggy. Essentially a head chef would think of these hacks as `nothing but elbows and assholes`. Many of these cooks would usually end up in the weeds (more on this later) by being disorganized and ill prepared. Mostly attitude ahead of skill, especially for those just coming out of cooking school. Many a seasoned cook would have to keep an eye on their prep in such situations. I t was common for these junior staff members to steal prep in order to keep afloat. In one kitchen this became known as being pamhandled.
Junior staff were therefore known as maggots, OJT’s (on the job trainees), grunts, rooks, wombats, or even masterchefs when they illustrated their particular shortcomings. Bad cooks became known as slowplates (usually a speed issue), shoemakers (over cooking), or Assisine!!! ( generally bad at anything!)
Most of these cooks could not get in the zone, or have wheels. Basically concentrating and speed under pressure. You would hear someone say that a particular cook was wearing a leather apron, pulling a bill or jonesing. All terms complaining about a lack of ability.
In some restaurants both the front and back of house would be fed by a staff cook. This was not always looked forward to and it was curious to see many a pizza or burger box being brought into the kitchen. No time for the better cooks to make the meal. Often the staff cook was not up to snuff and his or her ability would be summed up by the phrase `if it’s smoking it’s cooking, if it’s black it’s done`.
When things got busy and a countershark screamed incoming, meaning the dining room was jumpin the kitchen would usually be in the weeds by this time. Now in my experience this became a long list of terms that I quickly picked up as I made my way through various kitchens. Some of the phrases would be for specific kitchens where only those there would get the meaning. These included the following; happiness letdown. Up Dawson’s creek, knee deep in the hoopla, printer diarrhea, keep her steady big biker, and doin it like Smitty’s.
More universal phrases included ; in the shits, skate, wasted, we got smoked, slammed, smokin, juiced, snowed, snowed under, smacked, spanked, on the rail, white out, I need it yesterday, bang em out, rock and roll, pump up the volume, under like a rock,.
It was common to hear someone yell out to a cook some phrase of encouragement in during such circumstances; keep yer stick on the ice, or give him a weed whacker. On slow nights the terms would be, Jonestown, ticket torture, dragging or the hard way.
If a smoke or coffee break were needed at a busy or slow time you could say, hold my calls , or fancy a snout?, because you required an alley rally, smoko, paper work, or crouton run (bacon run for breakfast and lunch cooks), or even to be stepping off. You might even be doing your taxes.
In one place it was common as a non-smoker, to see my junior staff disappear for 20 minutes or more. I would usually find them basking outdoors in the sunshine smoking while I toiled in a hot sticky kitchen. I quickly strategized and decided to beat them, not join them. I bought myself a packet of popeye candy cigarettes and went to the pastry department and put red food coloring on the end of each stick. I was able then to step off so to speak and started saying I was going for a popeye while they worked.
On these hot sticky days when staff got cranky it was common for some of the brigade to have to endure a hazardous condition due to the heat and sweat. There would be nothing worse than being an hour or two into a shift when the chafe began. Leave it to cooks to come up with names for what would usually result in funny walks and grimaces for this truly harsh heat rash; rashcrack, bungholio, lumpoc of the tarhole….to name a few.
The action of working in the kitchen also had language. It became apparent that you had better learn this quickly in order to stave off injury, the ire of other cooks or a quick departure. Moving fast, getting out of the way and understanding what a word or phrase meant would mean you were getting the gist of the kitchen.
For example ouchie momma hot imparted that you better watch out because someone was moving through the kitchen with something very very hot. In most situations this was a signal to be aware and often to stand still while someone passed. Other phrases for similar situations; hot pan, comin through hot, behind ya hot, and hot open .
In one restaurant when the phrase hole in the ground was yelled out in the kitchen, it was to notify everyone that the trap door to the basement was now fully open. The door was centered in the floor of the kitchen right in front of the doors to the dining room. It was on more than one occasion that an unsuspecting employee missed the shout and found themselves at the bottom of a precarious staircase.
As I moved along I also learned that equipment had names that more or less became universal terms. If you were busy and needed something quickly heated you would use the microwave (yes the microwave). In a lot of circumstances the call became zap it, give it to chef mike, radar love, chef ding, mick and dave, French kiss it, or simply, nuke it.
If a food processor was called for it would be heard that one needed the robo, spin it, or to blitz it. When something needed a final topping of heat before being sent to the dining room, someone would yell, flame it, sally, tray it up, or flash it. All of which meant to place the plate under the salamander which is an overhead grill. A deep fryer was often referred to as the giant sauté pan, or not so nicely as the Chinese microwave. A convection oven was the wind oven. A line steamer and a large mixer simply by the brand name, Hobart.
Related terms included B & B’s for bread and butter side plates, Civilization for setting table ware. Napkins became longsleeves or bev naps. Roll ups for dining utensils inside a napkin. Long lips were straws. Dogs, rack and rolls, Queen Annes for kitchen trolleys. Bins that were used for storage became Cambros or Lexans, the name of the manufacturer, or by the usage; fish bin or shrimp tub.
Learning about food became a unique experience in each kitchen. If someone called out for an order for take out you would hear one of the following terms; with legs, kicking rocks, with shoes on, to have wheels, walking, pare calle, put some sneakers on it, put that on wheels, with wings and even bag it and tag it.
When ordering a rare or blue steak the common phrases that I became familiar with were; black and blue, Pittsburgh style (here many opinions on what this really meant), walkin on the plate, or make it moo. For a medium cut, the steak is mister was a common phrase. Well done steak had many names because many cooks found it hard to treat a nice cut of beef in that way. These included; shoeleather, crispy, with teeth, burn it, sunkissed, cremate, and ruin me a fillet.
A prime rib Wisconsin Dells style ( I guess common in that town) meant well done also. In one kitchen if a well done steak of any kind was ordered a chorus of `we’ll burn anything `was heard from all the staff. If a porterhouse was ordered one chef would yell out `honey, let’s shoot the moon`. At another location if someone yelled out `let’s pound em and round em`, you knew it was someone asking for a hand to pound and stuff skirt steak, or even turkey or chicken fillets. Similarily, if the phrase fry èm and dry èm was heard that meant it was time to blanch fries.
Food that was ruined became known as zizzed, dead, and even Julia Roberts (and I am not sure why?) If it was deemed as heading for the garbage, it became known as getting its’ p45, mangy or schwag. You would hear someone yelling yo'momma, or shit can it.
Food that was on its way out but not quite there often became for the family, meaning used for the staff meal of the day. In one location this was known as the trough (as mentioned earlier, the same idea applied to buffets, banquets and m set locations). In another cooks would yell for some one to come check out the Don Brennan. This was code to sneak behind a large post that held the fire extinguisher with that name on it. Tasty morsels that never made it to the plate were quickly scarffed down. Often this was the way most family meals would occur.
Snot sauce meant any sauce that was thickened with a slurry (usually a mixture of water, flour or corn starch).Mud sauce was demi glace that was poorly made or any brown sauce that came out of a tin, bag or powder form. Zoo stock was the term used for that pot seen in many kitchens that was always bubbling on the stove. Any and all meat and vegetable scraps would end up there. This was always amusing especially when a cook would use this stock for vegetarian meals. Pipe stock, freebasing, sauce au faucette, aqua stock and English consumme, meant getting water for any purpose.
A honeymoon salad was lettuce only. Split and married meant two different entrees divided so that each diner could try both. An order usually frowned upon by the staff. Hamburgers and hotdogs became pucks and rods. A naked dog meant a tofu hot dog. Crab legs were often known as salt water drummies. Venison in most places became bambi. Rabbit, thumper or cute little bunnies.
In a few locations food could even be labeled based on using a country or region to identify a particular meal pr preparation. If the word Irish was heard that meant a meal with potatoes. California meant raw food; English equaled bland.
Any large garnish became A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Parsley, that all purpose yet over used garnish became confetti, chop chop, green sneeze or hashish.
As I finished up this past season new terms came into use as well. On the trolley was the continuous refrain quickly put into use in my new banquet position. It was a constant chime for my staff when wanting to deal with any and all banquet issues. In many instances I would be asked where a certain food item for a particular function was located. The usual reply was on the trolley. It would also be used when someone was asked were to put a food item for future use.
It became known that to work with me was to be very organized. I had a trolley for the day’s functions and one for the next. I would usually have one as well for odds and ends. Items that would get used up in the day to day running of the kitchen.
Part of my job was to train new cooks, apprentices and those still in school completing a work term. A lot of my time was devoted to the more unsavory aspects of good cook. On many occasions this meant keeping all areas of the kitchen spic and span. Each day this would be a challenge. When this aspect of kitchen was neglected you would hear the phrase leave it up to the fridge fairies. When I had to call on these sprites to get the job done my staff quickly picked up the pace.
As we wound down the season and found ourselves in the fuck its (that time of the season when people became a little lackluster in keeping on top of things), we would also begin to lose staff. In seasonal work many staff would have to return home for school. It became common for resorts to hire part time workers. These late season arrivals were known as goldfish. The reason being that like goldfish, you never bothered to remember their names since they would be dead in a week or so; meaning off to brighter pastures. Nicknames were the usual was to go; lanky for that really tall server; bro for the guy from Toronto who called everyone bro.
With each job and season the language became the embodiment of kitchen work, while the culinary aspects of the job are my mainstay the nuance of language became my passion.
New language keeps coming to the fore with each new job. I have learned that it will in all likelihood never end. I look forward to the new season (wherever that will be) and the new language that I will pick up along the way.
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