Karla.

 The Hareema Shit Show.

What a crazy year huh? Often it takes me a while to get things down. I reflect while walking,

or sitting watching the juncos fight at the feeder. While we had many challenges this past

year, I want to write about a trip at sea that I had looked forward to but would eventually be

one of the most arduous trips of my life. So here goes.

I received an email back in late 2019 from an employer asking if I was willing to do a training

course in order to secure employment later in 2020. Of course, the winter being a slower

time for me, I said yes. The course was basic survival training (bst) which I had only

completed in pieces over the years but this would be a full week, straight on. A little nervous

due to the helicopter drop and roll training (capsized, rolled over, escape in a pool),

firefighting and other marine emergency duties. I got up at 530 each day, took two buses

and walked to get this done. So that alone was something.

I then waited as covid began and the timeline for going to work on this heavy lift platform

kept changing. Eventually I was notified that I would head off to Nova Scotia in April and like

many other crew members, be put up in quarantine in a hotel for 14 days before heading out

of Halifax harbour to the platform.

Some of you may remember my group emails detailing the day to day of this isolation but I

have not mentioned that near the end one Sunday, I looked out over Dartmouth Crossing as

one after another police vehicles screamed down the road heading for the highway. It was

within minutes we all heard of the mass shooting rampage that was occurring in real time.

Scamway note

We think differently about food; it’s not just something you taste, it’s something you experience - at Scanway we base our business operations on that philosophy.

The above statement comes from the web page of our caterer. After another day's pitiful lunch I thought it was time to look at the food as because, like being at sea, meal times are something to look forward to!

Well, after 14 days holed up in a hotel, I really wanted to say that the food, the three squares a day that we had, made this trying time just a little bearable. After all, we were not allowed to leave the property, or have any food (or anything else for that matter) dropped off.

I even began to pine, yes pine for a timbit, or french frie as I stared down each day at the busy drive thrus of mickie dees and timmies. My hands by the end of the first week, plastered against the 5^th story glass just wishing. I pondered what snack jiffy lube (directly across from my window, may have behind the counter! Alas, this was not the case. Our food was sub par to say the least and hence my short appraisal and note to the caterer that you now read.

So, I guess many here having the `experience` wonder if we could simply go back to taste!

I am one of the many quarantined in the Dartmouth Crossing Marriott. I have had to eat your food three times a day now for 14 days. I would suggest that you if you have a philosophy then maybe stick to it. Here are a few points.

If you have `chefs` then they should know how to prepare,and label food. For example, today's chicken strips pasta, and pesto---the idea of taking a frozen breaded chicken patty, cutting it up, and tossing it into a container with no pesto is terrible. This was not a pesto sauce of any sort. It is some amalgam of cheeses!

Many of the entrees seem to be an attempt at using (and hiding) leftover vegetables (probably from other catering gigs). After eight days, enough already with the large chucks of broccoli and cauliflower, and the four different types of carrot `cuts`.

Here are a few short notes.

If you call something beef stew, well then make beef stew, not a small side portion of some kind of beef (leftover?) with a few wedge potato pieces and the usual broccoli, carrot and cauliflower.

Cheddar cheese on pasta? Enough said. The oil in the bottom of the serving tray is not considered sauce. I would also like to know when are green peas a key component of lasagne?

Learn to cook the home fried potatoes.

Leftover rice for three meals in four days.

Breaded fish piece with leftover rice and soya sauce....traditional combo. But, hey thanks for the, wait for it, broccoli and cauliflower, again.

If sending a sandwich and/or wrap please feel free to not stick it on top of hot steaming food. People like to be able to pick these up.

Is side salad a bad thing? Did muffins, toast, bagels offend you?

Old apples make great pies, and mushy bananas make great bread. We can do without the unripened melon.

Enough with the frozen slab cakes. Are they on sale or just backed up in the freezer?

Bits and Bites are not a food group.

So just a few pointers as we await our supper surprise on this Thursday. I know, I know, it won't be a complete surprise, we know a few of the usual suspects will turn up.

Sidenote—after 14 days we saw on our last day yoghurt , milk, bagels and salad, so I would say thank you for that but a little too late. On closing If I were to feed many of these meals at my work I would shudder to think what a captive crew would do to me and my galley mates!

Shiver me timbers!

A few days later we were selected as the 2nd group to head out to the platform. While I have

been going to sea for 16 years there was still that nervous energy of a new ship, new job,

and new crew. Always reminded me of the time before I stepped on the ice to play every

game of hockey!

As we cautiously approached the heavy lift platform It finally dawned on me how big it

actually was. I began to think of the workload as that had been a concern for many while in

isolation. The company I worked for had never crewed such a large vessel before in

Canadian waters. We had made inquiries while holed up in the hotel as to the actual number

of crew on board and what that would mean for the galley staff. After doing this for so many

years one thing I had learned was being organized was probably the best trait that a sea

going cook could have.

Up in the billy pugh we go, lifted high above the supply ship rails and landing on the biggest

vessel I have ever seen. Off to orientation and then we were separated into our working

groups and off to see our cabins and get supplies.

The first thing I noticed, and this would be felt every day forward, was the dark drabness of

each deck as we wound our way around up and up to get to our cabins. There was little light

on the decks where we would have to stay and work. It was all enclosed. That would be

something that nagged at my soul each day as the drudgery hit home

.

Often on ships, the toil of long days can be assuaged by a quick trip up on deck, to lean on a

rail and take a small break as your world goes by. Here, I would learn, this would never

happen. It was as if an omen was being set up on day one.

Day one in the galley was like anywhere else. I had to get a quick handle on the workload. I

was given a tour by the Malaysian galley crew who were leaving, all the galley equipment,

store rooms and waste disposal. Nothing new except for the size of the operation. It was at

this first meeting I learned we would be short handed in the galley from the get go.

It was now known that the company I worked for was having a hard time recruiting staff, and

as the covid pandemic began, it became harder to get people who were willing to spend 5-6

weeks at sea. So I was slotted into the night shift--my first time ever-- and it would begin at 1

am until 1pm. On paper a regular 12 hour shift, but this would not be the case.

It seemed that I was picked out by the chief cook to learn from the Malaysians as they

worked nights and did many of the Malaysian style meals for the next day. There were to be

two cooks from the Canadian side who would take over this shift but I was alone and began

trying to follow the lead of the chief Malaysian cook.

Sidebar—The Malaysians cooked many meals that were a combination of Malaysian and Indonesian cuisines which reflected on the colonizing efforts of the Dutch as this was a Dutch company,just an interesting note as the Dutch it seemed ate nasi goreng like the British ate curry! It was also interesting to find out that at one time the serving line was divided into two separate sections, one for the Dutch only and one for everyone else!

This was an exciting challenge for me and I began trying to keep up as these guys had a

routine after many years working the night shift. I was truly amazed at how they could go

about working with such volume and crew numbers. It became apparent that these guys had

been here a long time and had worked with many international crews as this vessel worked

the world over.

Early on they began to show me recipes and methodologies and I tried to write it all down

but it became apparent that I was attempting to watch the chief night cook, learn the three,

four main meals that needed preparing each night, then the secondary sides from the 2nd

cook and then I was told I had to do two breakies each day, one at 530 am and another at

1045 that would roll right into lunch! Luckily at the beginning I did not have to worry about the

3rd cook as he prepared all the salads and cold cuts. I hardly saw the baker as he toiled

away in the bakery that was separate from the galley.

From chicken kejap, to nasi goreng and variations on hoikken mee, and the many ways to

make pork belly, especially rendang and lekker, I was immersed in what should have been a

culinary culture delight. No such luck.

The workload was enormous and I worked like this for 11 days. The poor Malaysians had

been on board for months and while they tried to show me as much as possible they too had

to deal with fatigue, and the frustrations of having to deal with a new chief cook from the

Netherlands. While they wanted to go home they could see by the end of week one that I

was struggling for various reasons. I worked the first 11 days, until 130p.m., 12.5 hours straight without one single, fucking break!

I always took pride in my organizational ability and the talent at being able to multitask

through a galley. Here due to the workload and the long shifts without breaks I noticed that

my mental acuity was not so sharp. For the first 10 days not only did I try to do the work of

two cooks I had also had to deal with (what would be an issue for many in the galley) the

bullying of the chief cook.

It became apparent that this man, never having worked on such a large vessel before was

not cut out to be a leader of such a large galley staff. The Malaysians I worked with had a

system in place and they had been working with for years. As each night began they would

quickly look at the menu left by the chief cook (later to always be mockingly known as

`cheffie`) , assess what had to be used, and simply go about getting everything ready. By

3a.m. they would sit, chat and have breakfast. I would work away attempting to keep my

head above water.

They would invite me over to share but as I was still under so much pressure I would decline

and keep working. After the first three days, just trying to get my head around it all I had to

ask Marcus the chief night cook what was going on. I had been given strict instructions from

the chief cook to follow the menu. I asked Marcus why we did not. He sighed and said well,

the chief cook has not pulled the proper proteins for his menu items, so we have to make

due with what is in the walk in and get meals made as we had no time for pulling things at

this time.

Basically, he looked at me and said `we make these meals, he can complain when he

comes in at 6a.m., but by then it will be too late`. It was a chaotic trend that would be in full

bloom when the Malaysians left and I would finally have someone working with me at night.

The horror show really began then!

Day 12 and we said our goodbyes to these great cooks. Finally they were given the okay to

head home after many months at sea. I was stressed to the max as there had been no word

as to any one coming on board to work the night shift. This would be a daily gossip trend, all

the Canadians in the galley feeling the pressure of the work load, and pondering if help was

coming.

I went to work that night, alone, and went to look at the menu and of course the menu did not

match the food items in the walk in. Frustrated I began to work by myself when out of the

blue, `hello, I'm James`.

Here was a new co worker and boy was I glad to see him! I quickly gave him the run down of

what the chief cook wanted as a system, as he stated `once the Asians are gone`, and the

reality of the actual system. We began to work and eventually had a system in place that

would help the both of us but would be under constant criticism form the chief cook at 6 am

as he bullied his way into the galley.

James had a way of talking to `cheffie`, as I found myself at odds all the time. I was not use

to a grown man talking to me in such a manner and frequently challenged him. In doing so I

became the target of his ire but his misguided Gordon Ramsey wannabee high-jinks would

back fire as I gave as good as I got! This he was not prepared for.

James would point out cheffie's errors in menu design and planning, his protein pulls from

the freezer and his overall ineptness at being `cheffie`. He would deal with this because it

was now 530-600 a.m., and I would be knee deep in serving breakfast for more than a 100.

This was turning into a professional nightmare. Each morning at 530 we had to have the

following ready to go, three hot meals, soup, three starches, and then about 50 crepe style

pancakes, 75 eggs and enough bacon to feed all. Cheffie never allowed us to use other

meats unless of course we had not pulled enough bacon from the freezer (this would

eventually back fire on him as by week four we ran out of bacon!).

The main problem here was time. The time to have all ready and around 430, switch from

big meal prep to breakie prep. A lot to do but with James here we always managed to get it

done on time with cheffie walking around barking `10minutes till service, 5 minutes till

service`, and doing little in the way of helping! I thought we were in some bizarre episode of

a reality cooking show!

We were now into week two, day 12 or so when James and I would go to work at 1 a.m.,

look at the menu. Then look at the walk in, see what was there. Often it was not the same as

the menu and we were supposed to coordinate with the day staff by preparing meals that

would be similar so that the overlap of prep would allow them to have a head start on their

own meal planning and preparation. This was what was laid out to us by cheffie early on but

due to his constant lack of foresight, this was often not the case.

We were now on our own and trying to put a system in place and due to the amount of food

we had to prepare each night this constant mis-management put us behind each shift. We

would have to improvise certain items and with heads down just plug away until 6 a.m.,

when cheffie would waltz in, grab a coffee, look around and then James would begin

outlining the strategy we had came up with at 1 a.m.

I would be in the weeds at this time, by myself doing the breakfast prep while James focused

on organizing the main meals. It was at this time that we would often lose time as cheffie,

while being in over his head would want to go through everything before sitting down for his

smoko.

Kudos to James at these moments as while we had not taken a break all night, we still had

to be ready for the 530 onslaught, and he still had to layout the game plan for the upcoming

days meals (remember we still had to prep for another breakfast and huge lunch, the biggest

meal of the day as so many shifts overlapped at this time) that cheffie had often screwed up

due to improper freezer pulls and usually during the day changing the menu a few times so

that by each 1 a.m., shift start for us, the norm was really disarray.

At these times he would calmly show cheffie what we had done and how, due to all these

chaotic changes we would plough forward. This was our norm. We had gotten use to this

and eventually around day 16 we would get through the first meal time and begin taking a 15

minute coffee break at 730 or so. That would be all we would get for the rest of the hitch.

Just think about that for a moment.

By week three things began to go off the rails. Firstly the egg fight that lasted for more than a

week. It seems that while we all had to get use to working with such large numbers, cheffie

forgot to order (after checking the inventory) enough eggs. This led to us having to serve the

crew at the trough one egg per breakfast. Well, the shit storm began, and while I patted myself on the back for my diplomacy (and many knew we did not do the ordering) I rejoiced as cheffie would get into arguments with crew about the low level of eggs on board. Of course, it was not cheffie’s fault. I mean he is in charge of ordering stores but it must be `our` fault for serving too many eggs. I mean fucking really!

At one point due to his ignorant attitude, yelling at crew, telling them to go away and talk to

the `boss man`, we stopped serving as he was screaming through the plexi-glass (remember

covid) . It was a bit much but then this was cheffies’ way.

Then there was the run on bacon. Cheffie decided that we could not use other meats for

breakfast, only bacon. Why, we could not get a direct answer and in our brief walks to the

freezer we saw many other breakfast meats available. Serving over 100 people twice a

morning all asking for bacon became quite the task as we would run out ALL OF THE TIME

because there were no other meats for the plate. We could not entice crew to take other

meats as we could not serve them!

Eventually we would begin to put sausages, bologna and beans on the menu and this eased

the constant `bacon rush`. I said eased, it never stopped!

I guess by this point you get the picture. It was not a well run, fully staff hitch and by week

four the constant battles with cheffie began to take a toll. I have been doing this for close to

15 years at sea at this point it was becoming a surreal situation as the constant inept

contradictions began to make for a very unhealthy work place.

James and I would sit at 730 a.m., and ponder what the hell we had gotten ourselves into. I

mean combined we had over 30 years experience but the workload, and constant badgering

meant a level of fatigue and weight loss that I had not experienced since my days as line

cook for a part time celebrity chef back in Halifax. We would spend each morning just trying

to get to this small coffee break, as the hard part of the day would always be ahead.

At this time all we could do was get through each shift, give the on coming galley staff our

uptake on the day head for them, scarfed down a sandwich at 130pm and then head to our

claustrophobic cabins to wash and sleep.

All the galley staff more or less felt as if we were in some kind of cookery penal colony. There was no enjoyment in a job well done. For most of us as ship cook’s this was a completely new situation. It was more a factory line than cooking and each day the contradictory methods of our cheffie would continue to add to our frustration. While quick to yell at people for no sane reason, or forgetting his own meals, often left sitting in a tilt skillet over night, cheffie was not liked.

On one occasion we had just received fresh asparagus (and no eggs!) and cheffie dumped most of it in a stock kettle and then went for a smoke. We watched as the kettle went from a slow roll to a gallop and eventually we turned it down as cheffie was no were to be found. I guess he was boiling the crap out of it for one of his `famous` recipes. He was known throughout the galley as a stew master. Almost all his meals were a stew of some variation.

Note from cheffie

This became quite evident when our office--due to staff shortages--began trying to see who

wanted to stay longer on board. There were no takers from the galley, and in fact many

requested to leave as soon as possible. I left at the end of my five week hitch detailing in a

very long letter the turmoil of the galley staff. This did not sit well with cheffie as our boss

quickly got in touch with his boss on board. A meeting ensued and all galley staff had to stop

what they were doing to have a meeting. The proverbial shit hit the fan as cheffie was taken

down a few notches by a few of the galley staff. His constant bullying was brought up and his

lack of professionalism, but as soon as the meeting was over we walked back into the galley

and he says to me `you emailed the office huh, it was you!` I replied, ` my emailing my office,

like any of us, is none of your business`. What a joke, and James looked at me and said

`you have a bigger target on your back now`.

One of the main complaints was workload and the lack of proper meal breaks due to this. It

was one thing to take on such a large job ( I have many years experience in hotels doing so)

but the lack of proper time to get yourself a bite and some respite, became a main issue.

What did cheffie do the next day as I was getting ready to do my breakie prep for 100 plus (I

had a new method past on by cheffie and he gave me 45 minutes to complete all my prep

right before service!) but scream at me repeatedly to `go sit down and eat, get the fuck out,

go eat`. I looked at the 30 or so eggs on the breakfast grill, I looked at James, knee deep in

getting mains ready. There was no one to take over as you see, cheffie, would not

help. Unfuckingreal.

I walked out of the galley into a back room, stood for five minutes, and got back at my eggs. Cheffie did not like to be challenged. Too many episodes of bad reality tv shows, and I guess he had to prove to his big bosses how tough, regimental, and in charge he was. The only problem, as he was not a team player, he was never really in charge, the galley staff, who did all the work 24/7 were really in charge. As I finish I remember now the day I left, the relief as the chopper landed and I knew I was actually getting to go home. My self doubt ebbed away, and I truly felt a bit sad for those who had to

wait a few more days to leave the cookery penal colony.

Endnote

A couple of weeks later I was back at sea, this time for 7-8 weeks. A great galley (one I was

familiar with) and crew and this hitch made the one above fade, ever so slowly though.

 Postscript

You know I forgot something but it came to me just recently. The one thing that truly brought home to us about the degrading situation that many professional cooks had found themselves in was we often talked about how we could not even taste our food due to doing so much in such short amounts of time. That said it all really.